Whatever Happened to Kristine Kochanski?
by WhenWorldsCollide2
Summary: Take a wild guess.
1. Chapter 1

Whatever Happened to Kristine Kochanski?

Somewhere in deep space, millions of years from now, a small medium-size planet will once again start its long journey around its parent star, closely followed by its twin. Occasionally their gravitational pull will force them to spin around each other; but that is a very rare occurance.

The main planet is mainly covered in dense, lush rainforest; a perfect haven for tropical creatures of untold varieties, so similar to that of Earth's Amazon, yet so far removed from its sphere of influence, some would be insulted by the mere idea of it being a coincidence.

Completely unspoiled by the industrial hands of humanity, on this world has had the chance to grow species that Charles Darwin would give his right arm to see.

But where there is prey, there are always predators.

Into a small clearing burst a young woman in her mid-thirties. She stopped, panting, to catch her breath. She was wearing black combat fatigues (slightly damp, partly due to the moist atmosphere, partly due to over-exertion) and grasping the rear end of a medium-size Phaser Pistol. A badge over the lapels identified her as Kochanski, K. Z.

In the distance, something roared. She looked back, scanned her immediate environment, and continued running.

These things were _everywhere_. There was no way to get away from them.

Nowhere to hide.

She continued running. Somewhere far behind her, something rustled through the undergrowth, rapidly gaining speed.

Without warning, the trail ended and her path ran straight into a thick wall of vines. There was no way around it.

Dead end.

Kochanski quickly pulled out a machete from her knee pocket and started chopping through the vines. The blade of the machete flashed though the endless green, repeatedly slashing mercilessly, desperately, through shoots and reeds.

The thing, for there was no description for it in human terms, was getting closer now. It howled menacingly, coming ever closer towards its prey.

In the darkness, an amber eye glinted.

Further ahead, The vines started thinning out and Kochanski broke into a run, knocking trailing vines over behind her.

In the distance, something blue glinted and she instinctively ran towards it. Was this her way out of this nightmare?

Slashing through an enormous plant similar to a dock-leaf, she stopped short of a large blue shuttlecraft, just larger than a car. Stencilled on the side were the words "Blue Midget", with the JMC logo underneath.

This was all the coercion she needed. Kochanski, now relieved at the prospect of leaving this strange, forbidding planet, hurried into the airlock, locking the door behind her. She turned around and made her way to the cockpit.

What she saw in there wasn't good.

The front was half-buried in the muddy ground. The viewport had shattered on impact, and water was slowly seeping in from above. The entire front row of seats was partially submerged in rainwater from many previous downpours. The controls fizzled and crackled in contempt of their current condition. The air stank of death and decay, as if something had died in there.

Very clearly, the shuttle was going nowhere in a hurry.

Kochanski broke down in despair, sobbing and trembling. She had lost all hope of escape; now there was just the jungle.

And _them_.

The machete dropped to the floor and slid into the murky brown water.

An insane resolve possessed Kochanski. She got up and looked at the Phaser still clinging stickily in her hand. Slowly, ever so slowly, she started to bring it up.

Then something tapped four times on the airlock.

Almost like someone knocking.

In her mind's eye she could picture an enormous mass of thick black fur, a million teeth lining it's salivating mouth.

So, at last they had caught up with her. There was no escape now. Even if she could block off the painfully obvious gap in the bulkheads, there was no place left to run.

End of the line.

All over.

And she thought back to her former crewmembers, to the life she had left behind.

Back to when she had a home, had a family.

There was Dave, with his goofy habits. He had often tried to chat her up, but with little success. She never saw him as a replacement of the original. Not _her_ Dave.

The Cat, Holly. Kryten, her arch-nemesis. Smeg it all, she even missed Rimmer.

The end is nigh. She slowly walked to the airlock door.

No turning back now.

She gripped her Phaser with both hands, shut her eyes tightly, activated the door controls and waited.

"Am I interrupting something?"

What?

She opened her eyes. A large friendly face beamed back at her.

Standing in front of her was a tall man with a bohemian haircut, a large grey-brown overcoat, a floppy hat and a long multi-coloured scarf. From his pocket he produced a crumpled white paper bag.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. Care for a Jelly Baby?"


	2. Chapter 2

Whatever Happened to Kristine Kochanski? Part 2

"Where did you come from?" Kristine said in surprise.

"Oh, here, there and everywhere." He beamed. "I'm very well-travelled, you see."

Kristine dropped the Phaser. The Doctor looked at her inquisitively.

"Is something the matter?" he asked.

Kochanski sat on the ledge and the Doctor kneeled beside her.

"I thought I was all alone."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I'm here."

She looked at him. "How did you get here, anyway?"

The Doctor scratched his chin. "Well, I was just cruising through this region of space when I received a distress call. I decided to go down to investigate, see if I could lend a helping hand, that sort of thing."

Kochanski stared at him. "You have a ship?"

The Doctor grinned. "Not just any ship. It's the best ship in the Universe." He stood up. "It's just this way." He took a few steps forward, then stopped. "Or is it that way?"

Kochanski did a perfect facepalm.

The Doctor pulled a small metal device from his pocket and extended an antenna. There was a steady beeping sound.

The Doctor grinned. "Ah. That way."

In the distance, something growled. Kochanski grabbed the gun.

"We should hurry."

As they continued through the jungle, the beeping got steadily faster.

"Just out of curiosity," asked the Doctor, "how did you come to be in this situation?"

Kochanski shrugged. "There's not much to tell. I joined the Space Corps at _, and from there I lost my ship, my crew, and wound up three million years in deep space in the wrong dimension with the crew from 'Star Wreck'."

Through the thickets and reeds, Kochanski could faintly see something blue and thought for a moment that they had gone round in circles and were heading back to Blue Midget. Then they came out of the brush and Kochanski saw, to her total surprise, a bright blue box standing, quite out of sync with its surroundings, beneath a large tree. Overhead, the words "Police Public Call Box" were illuminated by backlighting, and on the roof was a small lamp.

The Doctor brushed a trailing branch and unlocked the door.

"What's that?" Asked Kochanski.

The Doctor turned round, brushing away the branch. "This? This is the TARDIS. It's my home."

"But it's just a box!"

The Doctor chuckled at her naivety. "Don't judge a book by its cover. Are you coming?"

"Where?"

"Inside."

Kochanski looked at him as if he had two heads. "But it's tiny!"

The Doctor shook his head and opened the door. Kochanski was drawn to the brilliant light radiated from within.

Suddenly, something burst through the dense woods behind them. Kochanski screamed.

"Run!" The Doctor shouted. Kochanski ran towards the TARDIS whilst the Doctor pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver and kept the beast at bay with a burst of high-frequency vibrations.

When she passed through the doors, she felt an odd sensation. She stopped. Suddenly, she was standing in a large six-sided room dominated by a six-sided control console. The walls were covered in faintly glowing roundels, and at the centre of the control panels a transparent column gently turned.

The Doctor came in from behind her and walked over to the control panel. He pulled a lever and the doors slid shut.

"It's alright, you're safe now. Nothing can enter the TARDIS."

Kochanski appeared completely shocked. The Doctor frowned, and then he realized the problem.

"Yes, it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. You'll get used to it in the end. It's called Dimensional Transcendentalism. Does it frighten you?"

Kochanski drew breath. The Doctor nodded understandingly.

"What was that thing?" Asked Kochanski between breaths.

The Doctor shrugged. "It didn't say, and it didn't leave its card either."

He led her over to a chair on the other side of the room and gestured for her to sit on it.

"Now, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Miss…"

"Kristine Kochanski."

"Ah. Welcome aboard, Kristine." He rubbed his hands together. "Hold on tight!"

He pulled the Dematerialization Lever and there was a wheezing, groaning sound as the TARDIS disappeared and lurched through the Space-Time Continuum, sending the Doctor and Kristine spinning off to another exciting adventure!


End file.
